I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts...

Although the life of a drama student is unquestioningly many things - drunken debauch, navel-gaze, periods of elation ("I'm brilliant! I rock!"), periods of despair ("Oh my God. That was the worst scene that has ever been acted in the history of acting, ever. I should eat my own head. I suck.") - one thing it definitely is not, is predictable. Who would have guessed, for example, that this week alone I would have:

a) been the voice of a small coconut called Ralph who is afraid of parrots
b) had to be "fire" - not something on fire, but the essence of "fire" itself
c) taken responsibility for providing the following special effects: crying baby, boiling kettle, and a violently clanging central heating system....armed only with a bent ironing board and my own moxy
d) jogged around a squash court for an hour, practicing "pushing" and "pulling" my classmates...but without actually touching them.

These were the fun bits. The not so fun bits included a 20 minute presentation on the british labour party (which I had to pull out of God knows where, since the library is only open while we're in class, and my seminar partner was in Wales all weekend) and an essay on how the technical effects can "help or mar a successful radio drama".

Ugh. I've also got to come up with some sort of topic to do my Christmas Master's thesis on. Essays? Don't they know we're actors? Coherently string more than two words together? Bloody hell. Unreasonable demands. I have no idea what I'm going to do yet. Our MA prof Zois says we should pick something that interests us, but I don't think eating nice yogurts and fingering vintage jackets will be suitable somehow....

So while I go away to ponder this question over a large vat of wine, I will leave you with a few more pithy observations about life here in Britain.

a) everyone, everyone rolls their own cigarettes. Apparently they do this because it is cheaper. The only people I ever knew to roll their own smokes in Canada were drug dealers or homeless.
b) the carbohydrate is alive and well and living in London. You get chips with your mashed potato and a nice side of Yorkshire pudding as well.
c) pants are trousers, underwear are pants, suspenders are braces, sneakers are trainers.
d) people don't ever ask, "how are you?". They get quite freaked out when you ask, actually. The traditional substitute seems to be "y'alright?"....but they don't really expect an answer.
e) computer keyboards are all different and backwards. The @ and the " symbol are inverted. You can't believe the grief this causes.
f) bus drivers give change. I knew I was here for a reason.