Rest in Peace Mr. Large

I opened the paper today on the way to work and read what could have been a typical headline in any newspaper in the world: Boy of 14 knifed for 'racist slur'.

Then I saw this picture:

...and I realized it was one of my students from last year.

My first reaction was a loud gasp as I stared unbelievingly at the paper.

I read on and it turns out he was knifed in the head after getting in a "row" with two boys and uttering a racial slur. He died in hospital.

Here's what I know about him. He was no saint that's for sure. He was at my old school (a school for children with emotional and behavioural issues - read fucked up lives) and he could be one of the most abusive people you would ever meet. He was involved in a gang, was a bully, was one of the most relentlessly dominating personalities I've ever met, he stole - in short he was no fun to be around.

He was born into a horrible life. His older brother was already in jail. His family in general known to be a complete menace in the area. I never heard a word spoken about his father.

But here's what else I know about him. Since getting out of jail last year he had been trying hard to change. Even though he was terrible to be around in some ways he was much better than he had been when he was at the school in the preceding years. It seemed the coin had dropped and he was trying to change.

He was eager to learn, desperate for attention, hungry for any kind of positive compliment, full of charm and eager for fun. I called the school and found out - to my astonishment that he'd won something called the Jack Petchey award this year which is an award given to a student each month based on their behaviour and progress. Ironically he'd just made an anti-knife crime poster he was really proud of and he'd been having a good year.

He was no saint but his death really shook me. I spent most of the time on the train holding back tears. I mean, here I've been stressed over all the work I'm doing and the deadlines and all that stuff seems pretty meaningless when a 14 year old kid who was given almost no chance to make it in this world gets stabbed. 14. Stabbed by 14 year olds. Why is it always young kids who are the most dangerous? Anyway, that's a question for another day I suppose.

I pray that his death and his life serve as a reminder and a wake up call to other students in the school and others around him who are going down similar paths. I hope the teachers at that school are ok. They're miraculous people I tell you. They hang in with these kids no matter what. It's an near impossible job. Trust me I know. I couldn't do it.

Achem. If there is a God out there I'd like to send this out to him and hope it does something.

Rest in Peace Mr. Large. I hope you find the peace, love and happiness in death that was so elusive to you in life.