Claustrophobia ,Jogging, and a Haircut

I've been struggling with what I should do with this blog because it was pointed out to me that this is a public space and it's occurred to me that anything I say on here could come back to haunt me. Also, the damn blog is not working properly.

Techie question for anyone out there:
1) When I used to want to insert a picture into this blog I would insert the image, the image would appear and I could drag it around my window. Now I'm just getting code when I'm making my post but then the picture is actually there when I post it. This basically means I can't do anything but put a picture at the top, however, as I can't really figure out what all this code means. This is a new development. I thought it was because I upgraded to Internet Explorer 7 but I'm now using Firefox and that's not working either. Argh! I'm not really impressed with blogger I've had a lot of problems with it.
2)Same problem if I try and put things in italics or bold. I get the code on screen but it doesn't actually but text into italics.

As for postings, like I said I'm a bit worried so I'm thinking of moving over to Live Journal because I can set it so that only people I allow to view the page can view it. The just want to relate my experiences without worrying about saying the wrong thing. I go through my whole life worrying about that.

So anyway, last week was really really hard. The students at my school are very very difficult to deal with. You tell yourself it's not you but it's frustrating and emotionally draining to have to fight them to do almost anything. On the other hand I've established a relationship with some of them and gotten them onside - at least somewhat. I've started to feel a strange sense of responsibility towards them because I know that if I left they'd be completely thrown because they'd have to deal with another adult coming in who they'd have to figure out. They'd have to go through the whole establishment process again.

So why am I staying there? I don't know . The staff are amazing really. The head teacher is incredible and, really, so is everyone else. I have a technician who's been there 10 years and is really guiding me through the work I'm supposed to be doing. She's saving my butt all over the place. Having said all that... I'm about to sign on for the rest of the year and I have to go in tomorrow and tell them I don't want to. I don't know if I want to stay there the whole year it's just too much for me to even think about at the moment. It's going to be a really tough conversation. Basically I don't want to lock into some situation and not be able to handle it down the road. I want to have the option to leave if I have to. I'll always have that option of course but at least this way I'm being honest.

So yeah last week was incredibly exhausting. I realized that I landed and started teaching immediately in an education system that I have NO familiarity with. I'd say 60-70% of my stress is that I'm very often quite unsure if I'm teaching the right thing or not. England has these standardized tests that kids have to pass and I don't want to let the kids down by teaching things that aren't on the test or not teach them how to write the test and have them fail because of it. There's also this "course work" stuff they have to send in to some government agency to get marked. The course work involves samples of their actual work. I don't even mark it someone else does. It's all very stressful because I don't know the system. At least in Canada I know how it works just from having gone through it.

So that brings me to the title of my posting.

The culture shock here is still a major issue for me. I feel very anxious when I'm out and about and I think a lot of it has to do with the tightly packed enclosed space that is London. I've mentioned that the streets are so twisted and convoluted that you can't see more than half a block at a time. It's also hilly and everywhere you go buildings are crammed together with little alleyways leading everywhere. In Canada alleyways are danger zones but here everything in an alleyway so I think I feel like I'm in dangerous areas when I'm not. The biggest problem I have is that I really feel like I'm always in a tiny condensed packed in space. I spoke to a British man today who had travelled in America for 6 months at one point in his life and he mentioned that he noticed that feeling when he came back. I know I'll get used to it but at the moment it's difficult.

Today I went and got a haircut at a place called Hair On Broadway which is a fairly high end sort of place. The guy who cut my hair was really cool actually and we had a great conversation. Then I went clothes shopping and almost bought a pair of pants (I'll get them on pay day!). I just wandered around looking for clothes and started to feel a lot better. Something about grooming myself and getting some nice clothes (almost anyway) made me feel better. Plus I got some exercise because it's a half hour walk into Loughton where all the stores are. I went to a Kebabery (Kebabs are big here) and had a massive chicken kebab. I started to relax for the first time in days.

I decided I need to get in better shape and that I need to exercise to deal with stress so I went jogging at 9:00pm and I actually jogged for 29 minutes straight. Don't ask me how. I think it's because I've done so little physical activity that my body is just not worn out at all...or something. I felt a lot better after having done this and I need to stick to the goal of eating better, exercising, and doing some things I like so I feel better.

So my goal is to do half an hour of exercise every day, quit drinking for the week, and eat right.

1 day down, 6 to go.